I've just finished reading Couples by Kate Figes - a very impressive survey into couple relationships via synthesising stacks of sociological and psychological research and conducting in-depth interviews with 120 people. She writes very engagingly and intrudes her opinions usefully. There are some surprising finds for me - including just how committed to each other couples tend to be, despite a current myth that people lack commitment and bolt when things get tough. I think it's a useful read for anyone in a relationship, however successful it is - not least because it holds up a mirror to others' that you would rarely otherwise get. I think - in Britain anyway - we don't tend to talk about the flotsam and jetsam of relationships with friends and families (and even less with professionals), and this book may serve to normalise some of the issues that many of us grapple with. Not only that, but the book may even help point the way to resolving issues, by showing us how helpful honesty and communication can be.

Elizabeth Badinter - a French author and philospher - has provoked some controversy by arguing that young mothers are facing impossible pressures to be "perfect" in her new book Conflict, Women and Mothers ...Such pressures include breastfeeding for months, avoiding pain relief during birth, using time-consuming eco-friendly nappies...all hard to reconcile with a life beyond the nursery, such as a much-loved career to juggle alongside. I think she makes a good point.
Feminism worked very hard to create a model of equality for women in the workplace and elsewhere, and "perfect" motherhood - as described and decreed by so many books and media images (over here I'm staggered by the number of parenthood "gurus") - can only make this impossible. I frequently talk to women who feel the pressure to "do it all" right - being a mother of a "successful" infant (ie one who sleeps & eats well), a career woman who is still taken seriously at work (even if she has baby vomit on her suit), a loyal friend and family member, as well as a Domestic Goddess who looks good too. No human can achieve all of this, and such an ideal frequently leads to feelings of inadequacy for "failing" at one or all. I've heard so many times "I don't feel like I'm doing any bit of my life right"...."I just about keep it all together but I wish I had more time/energy/sleep." I just wish it was ok for women to be "good enough" (as Winnicott suggested).

I'm really pleased to hear that the Mental Health Foundation is promoting Mindfulness - this is an age-old concept that meditators and Buddhists have known about for centuries. It has been fine-tuned and developed for the treatment of distress associated with mental ill-health - depression included, which has been tackled very successfully with Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). There is compelling evidence out there that it works, and here's hoping the NHS take on the MHF's proposals for a wider roll-out of MBCT and other Mindulness type practices.

I haven't formally trained in these but have long incorporated some of its core concepts, having found meditative practices very useful in the past for an unhelpful "unquiet" mind. Clients tell me time again how useful they have been, especially in helping to develop a different response to what the mind can repeatedly tell us (eg "you are rubbish", "everything is pointless"). Mindfulness can help to create space between "you" and your mind's content in such a valuable way that change can happen. Or so I believe.

For more on MHF's work here, see http://www.bemindful.co.uk/

Patrick Strudwick's article in the Independent last week caught my eye, just as anything about my profession does  http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/the-exgay-files-the-bizarre-world-of-gaytostraight-conversion-1884947.html It's clearly a disturbing tale and provokes thought on so many issues - including that of the regulation and scrutiny of the psychotherapy and counselling professions. Unethical (to say the least) practices in any profession can only be bad PR, and those (very many) who do practice ethically will suffer as a result. I'm ashamed of such work being done under the name of my profession.

Last week I went to see Susie Orbach speak at Newington Green's Unitarian Church - a suitable venue for someone long passionate about women's rights in the world. She spoke about "bodies" - women's bodies in particular - a subject she first scrutinised thirty years ago when she wrote Fat Is a Feminist Issue . I'm a huge fan of Orbach's thinking and recommend anyone to read her latest book Bodies. Although it isn't a long book, nor difficult to understand, it is no easy read. It is dense with facts and uncomfortable truths. She rails against the distortion and maiming of our bodies - cosmetic surgery to dieting to body sculpting and to the terrifying lengths some people go to "Westernise" their eyes or even extend the length of their thighbones. Furthermore, we delude ourselves in thinking this is our "right", earned as independent women, to do what we want to our bodies. Yet she sees this as a hijacking and perversion of a feminism that clearly serves needs far from our own. I won't say too much more here but to leave you with Orbach's advice to a woman from the audience who asked how to protect her own young daughters from doubting their own innate sense of feeling ok about their bodies, in the face of what the media bombards us with (ie digitally enhanced "perfection"). Orbach was clear that she should ensure that she transmitted only positive ideas and beliefs about her own body in front of her kids - as we know, kids mimic their parents. Not only should you yourself be careful to speak well of your body, but ensure that others do too - partners, au pairs, grandparents, whoever is of importance and influence. I think that is brilliant advice, and even if you are having a "bad day" and feel loathing toward your body, just being aware of the potential impact that could have on your child may be enough too.

My guess is you came across my website by plugging some words into Google and following some of the links that came up on the first couple of pages. Maybe your key words included "UKCP registered", but that would depend on you knowing of the UKCP, my professional body that backs me up and allows you somewhere to go if I behave badly and harm you in some way. My experience is that most people don't know about regulation, nor the difference between counselling and psychotherapy and the myriad schools within both professions. I hope this article I wrote helps.....

Do you know the difference between a psychiatrist and a surgeon? I imagine you do. How about a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist? Or a psychotherapist and a counsellor? Person-Centred Counsellor and Psychodynamic Counsellor? How would you even know if any of these professionals were adequately trained and properly registered, and not just any old person calling themselves such? Stumped?
At long last in the UK, psychological therapies ("talking treatments") have begun to be more widely accepted as a method of approaching psychological problems such as anxiety, depression or relationship troubles. We're not quite at the stage of the US, but seeking help from a "therapist" when bad feelings are getting in the way of life, is becoming less unusual. Indeed our government endorsed their support of this work with an initial investment of £173 million in the "Improving Access to Psychological Therapies" (IAPT) programme, launched in 2006.  The first phase involves providing specialist psychological support for depression and anxiety that had been hugely lacking, and continues to be rolled out.

Other initiatives such as Time for Change and Rethink running alongside IAPT, support the emerging UK-wide NHS agenda for improving mental health and wellbeing. Statutory regulation of counselling and psychotherapy through the Health Professions Council  are another public move to endorse these professions, and when this register comes live – possibly in early 2011 – what follows here will change.

Although public investment and positive attention toward talking therapies is improving in this way, many of us continue to seek help privately. GP's rarely have psychological support at their practice, and if they do, waiting lists can be achingly long and often offer just a few sessions. Yet the task of sourcing help on your own can be a very confusing and overwhelming one, especially if you are in distress. The internet is becoming a first port of call for many if not most, but search engines throw up scores of impressive looking websites. Which one is trustworthy? Which will be of help?

As a practicing psychotherapist I know this confusion only too well. I've had a client refer to me directly as "doctor" and another as "psychologist". Many also believe I offer an advice service and are surprised when they learn the work involved is very different. Only colleagues seem to know what my accreditation means. When I meet new clients, I'm often prepared to describe what my profession is and what it does, as more often than not, people are confused by the myriad talking therapies there are - even if they already have previous experience of some themselves.
The distinction between counselling or psychotherapy is a hotly debated one amongst both professions (and one that will impact on future statutory regulation). For now, one acceptable offering is that counselling refers to short-term work (maybe just 6 weeks) that focuses on a particular goal, while psychotherapy refers to longer work (maybe months or years) that allows for a deeper exploration of troubling issues and how they link to the past. I have worked with someone who was scared of lifts and had no interest in exploring why. However, you may have a hunch that there are unresolved problems from the past that you feel will take time to come to some understanding about.
Psychotherapists tend to have had a much longer training than counsellors (mine involved 5 years and a Masters Degree), and would have had their own personal therapy along the way. Having said all that, there are counsellors with years of study and qualifications behind them who will work long term, and psychotherapists like me who can work with a short-term, goal-oriented model (of 6 weeks). You can see how the distinction can get blurred and how inflammatory the debates around regulation are getting.
Neither profession offers a medical training, which means we can't prescribe drugs, such as anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. Only GPs and psychiatrists can do this, with the latter more specialist in more severe mental health issues, such as anxiety disorders or psychosis. If adequately trained and experienced, a counsellor or psychotherapist should be able to make an appropriate referral to a GP or psychiatrist if a psychiatric problem arises. You may even find a GP or psychiatrist who is also qualified in a talking treatment.

To complicate things further, within counselling and psychotherapy there are increasing numbers of theoretical approaches and styles of working - Person-Centred, Gestalt, Existential, Transpersonal and Adlerian are just a few of the more established ones. Some may involve you looking at the past, some the present, some the future, while some may ask of you to be doing regular "homework" each week (such as with the NHS favourite, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Newer "energy therapies" (such as Emotional Freedom Technique) take a very different approach - the practitioner works on your body to release disturbances in its energy field, without you needing to talk much at all.
Psychoanalysis is a particular type of psychotherapy that practices discretely from the rest. It was famously devised by Freud and tweaked by many of his followers, such as Melanie Klein and his sometime colleague Jung. Analytic work focuses much on early childhood relations and the relationship between the "patient" (not client) and analyst. It involves more than one session a week (up to five), often over years. It has become a well-established part of our cultural landscape, with many equating all therapy with a couch and a "blank screen" therapist. But it only describes a part of what's out there, and this traditional picture is changing too.
Whatever the approach on offer, empirical evidence is accumulating to support a wide range of psychological practices, including others not mentioned, such as counselling psychology. What this research seems to suggest so far is that a successful therapeutic encounter depends upon you willing to make change. This means it won't come from your therapist's instruction or wise words. If you find a therapist who you like and feel able to collaborate with, (whatever his theoretical orientation), you can then make use of a many techniques and practices to reach your goals.
So finding a therapist you trust is crucial. This may mean asking around for personal recommendation or turning to the professional registers, many of which have useful online search facilities. Until 2011 (perhaps), professional registers offer the best protection for the public. Being a member will mean a practitioner has met fairly stringent training and experience requirements, and must abide by a code of ethics and complaints procedure. If you want to complain, there’s a body to turn to for help.
Ask about the time, place, cost and duration of sessions, along with any charges for cancelled appointments and holidays. If a session time isn't convenient for you, or the fees too high, find someone who can offer you what you want - or you may well begin to resent the work. Do take time to build up an idea of what may be involved in meeting this person each week. It also helps to think about what your goals are (however vague), and what the practitioner is able to offer in return.

If things feel “wrong”, do discuss this and don’t imagine all other therapists will be the same. I saw a client who had seen a therapist who either fell asleep in sessions or suggested going into business with him. With low self-esteem, and not knowing what was "normal", it took 11 (expensive) sessions before he plucked up the courage to leave. This sort of professional practice doesn't sound right to me, and if you are in doubt, raise it. As with any profession, there are unscrupulous people out there working, but an impressive looking website or plaque on the wall may tempt anyone in distress.

The BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) website has a useful section on choosing a therapist along with a list of accrediting bodies. http://www.bacp.co.uk/